Thoughts on ACA

I have recently begun attending ACA (Adult Child of Alcoholics) meetings and reading the foundational text,  called the Big Red Book.   As I read this book and hear people's experiences in the meetings,   I am seeing an amazing number of connections.   This material describes my own experience in a very clear,  detailed and profound way.   Who knew?

The official name of the movement is "Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dis-functional Families".   I qualify as an "Adult Child" in the ACA sense relative to both of my parents.   My dad was a severe alcoholic and my mom had untreated bipolar for most of my childhood and teenage years.   

The ACA material often just nails the issues I am trying to bring to light in this blog.   The more I read,   the more I see that this community and body of knowledge stand to be huge helps to me now and in the future.

ACA,  like all 12-step programs,  has a spiritual basis,  a fact which is tremendously appealing to me.   I began actively pursuing a spiritual path in 1994,  when I was twenty five years old.   My spiritual path has steadily developed over the years.   What I have found in the past five years or so,  since I was in my late thirties,   is that my spiritual understandings have come up against my deep and unhealed pain.     I have found myself in crisis in relation to this fact.    

It seems to me that ACA is what is coming toward me to show me the way through.   This answer to my question is,  to me,  a sure sign that the universe is always looking to help us towards our highest good.   The only thing that holds us back is our own thinking.   And I,  for one,  am ready to tackle the places where my thinking is holding me back.    Turns out that's not going to be a small task.   

Interestingly,  instead of feeling excited and happy about finding ACA,  right now I am feeling very sad.    I think it's because of the deep,  deep sadness inside of me;   the ACA material I am reading is shining a light on that.   For me to heal myself,  I am going to have to bring my pain,  sadness,  anger,  and all the rest of it to the surface of my consciousness.    I am going to have to look at my own dysfunctional behavior at a new level.    This is going to take work.  And time.   And there will be times when I feel crappy about it all.

But it seems clear to me that ACA offers me a way to work through the issues around my painful upbringing and move forward,  with time,  into being a true adult.    My purpose in writing this blog was not that I could permanently identify myself as an ACMI,  but to find out how I could overcome my experience of being an "Adult Child".

I will keep reading this Big Red Book.   I will keep going to ACA meetings.   I will start working the 12 Steps.  I will start looking for a sponsor.  

 I see where my path is pointing me.   I might as well get going.   

Your comments are welcome.

Warmly,  Ben